Look Alive

I don't think... I just do

2009-12-15T13:12:59Z

I guess it's fair to say that I don't have much, if at all any sense of long term direction in my life. From day to day there's hardly any real connection or fabric weaving my experiences together into an integrated view of existence. In my mind, there's this startling absence of coherence with any of the things I do each day. I'm a fairly hardworking university student, I go to the gym three times, I read books, watch films, work two or three days, practise band and go to trivia with my friends every week, but find extreme difficulty in finding any meaning in any of it.

But what is life without meaning? I admit in full honesty that if I had decided that life truly had no inherent or innate meaning, then some part of my subconscious is the one responsible, and has failed to leave due notice with my more immediate identity (even though I lean strongly towards this notion in any case). But if it seems to you that I am merily singing the tune of the relativist; those who embrace the actuality of the subjectivity of truth, meaning and knowledge, then I should put into perspective my dillemma more precisely for you. It is I who has, after apparently deciding that life has no innate meaning, found no other meaning in my experiences from which to attempt to oriente my existence in the universe. This is a reflection of my failure to give meaning to my own life as the subjective thinker does. Perhaps it's because I haven't found anything yet that's worth me revolving my life around. In any case I'm probably too suspicious of, and too disillusioned with all that I have now to deem any part of it worthy of meaning from which to base life around.

I know for certain that this is why I philosophise... why philosophy is important. It is the attempt to orient oneself in the universe with meaning.

~~It is either one or all and none.~~

Knowledge is Power

2009-11-08T09:49:05Z

I want to have read by the end of my university eduaction at least 200 books. They don't all have to be large and difficult books. Of course some will be easier than others, but I also want something like eighty percent of them to be classic novels, literature, textbooks or texts of great influence. I want to be well read and knowledgeable like my dad. Most likely I will end up reading lots of the books from his shelves. Looking at them all, I can't help but sigh, but I'm also encouraged at the prospect of accomplishing such a task.

I'll be updating this list (regularly hopefully) continuously for a long time and will probably repost this every few months to bring it back to the top of my now expanding journal.

Pre 2009 (The Dark Ages)
Animal Farm - George Orwell
The Redemption of Althalus - David and Leigh Eddings
Romeo and Juliet - William Shakespeare
Anthony and Cleopatra - William Shakespeare
The Odyssey - Homer
A Midsummer's Nights Dream - William Shakespeare
Othello - William Shakespeare
Magician - Raymond E Feist
Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
The Hobbit - J.R.R Tolkeins

2009
Maps of Time - David Christian
The Prince - Nicollo Machiavelli
The First World War - A.J.P Taylor
Brisingr - Christopher Paolini
House of Leaves - Mark Z. Danielewski
The Communist Manifesto - Karl Marx and Freidrich Engels
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

Currently reading:
Origins of the Second World War - A.J.P Taylor
Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
A History on Political Thought - Bruce Haddock
The Search for Modern China - Jonathan D Spence
The Origin of Species - Charles Darwin
The Republic - Plato
Twilight of the Idols - Friedrich Nietzsche
The Anti Christ - Friedrich Nietzsche
Beyond Good and Evil - Friedrich Nietzsche

Total: 16/200
Yes, I really am currently reading all those books at the moment, believe it or not. I'm going to finish them all before 2010 I hope.

An average of 12 - 14 books per year isn't going to work if I'm to reach my target of 200.

EDIT: I've decided to include a select few books that I've read in my childhood and high school years which I think qualify.

Remember, Remember the

2009-11-05T08:59:44Z

'Beneath this mask there is more than just flesh and bone. There is an idea. And ideas are bulletproof'.

'Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.

The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. [laughs] Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V'.

A Few Instinctive/Intrinsic Notions of Mine [will be continuously revised]

2009-10-31T08:18:14Z

- People are a product of their environment..... very almost entirely.

- What people want and what they can expect from life is informed by what they percieve as possible. Therefore, use your imagination.

- Apathy is death.

- Think for yourself. You will never know any universal or 'real' meaning of life other than the meaning that you give yourself.

- There will never be forms of society nor the politics governing them which exhibit anything other than the possible characteristics and pretenses of men.

- If you want to know the history of man and his future, simply look for the typical patterns in the lives of men.

- Everything we know is either natural or caused by natural effects. Cars, computers and microwave ovens are no exception. They are simply the logical product of our natural intelligence.

- Beliefs are a natural product of our imagination, our intelligence, our hope and above all, our ability to think for ourselves. It is a pity then that many beliefs today exhibit none of these characeristics.

To rebel is right!

2009-10-24T07:56:23Z

If people take no action whatsoever in politics, then all that they can expect (and indeed should expect) is to not have any political standing, representation and above all; not to have preferences in political discourse (procedure) or its results (laws, policies - foreign and domestic).

Preference is inherent and unaviodable in all of us. It seems to me that humans are inescapably bound to politics so long as they are to exist in societies (independent of what form of society). Whilst it likely that some form of society will continue to exist so long as humans continue to thrive best in groups; allowing for the division of labour in order to effectively substitute all of our own individual dependence on nature, it is likely in perfectly the same sense, that politics will exist.

I will try to demonstrate these ideas in relation to the politics of my home country Australia. Before I do however, I should take the time to note that politics does not necessarily equate to liberal democracy. Liberal democracy is simply a constituent part of the greater concept of politics.

In the minds of average Australians, politics is a concept referring to the centralised organisation responsible for social structuring and and the manipulation or development of society. In politics, which is conducted by the governmental body, two main and opposing parties exist, whose members are elected by the democratic process. They debate views of any current social / political / economic / various other issue at present hand.

The average Australian understands that the stance a party will assume is affected by the underlying values of the party, which they themselves associate or dissassociate - in turn determining their own political alleigance.

However far from the real nature of politics in its entirety (not just liberal democracy) that this conceptual understanding provides, what is important to take from this, is that people have values and that it is their values which are represented in political discourse. To have no preference of political party or ideology, essentially disassociating with politics is to have no social values.

Therefore, so long as you are part of society and so long as society leads to politics (try to imagine a society without politics if you can), comitting oneself to political discourse is necessarily inevitbile and inevitably necessary.

'I wonder how we strayed so far from this'

2009-10-21T23:46:46Z

You know what really scares me about this journal is that when I read posts from 6 months ago or more, it's like I'm reading someone elses journal. I can still relate to the things this guy is talking about, and there's a strange sense of familiarity with it all, but i find it extremely difficult to recall actually being that person.

I suppose then, that I'm really very fortunate that I decided to keep writing in this thing after all this time. If I hadn't any of this, I might have forgotten entirely what kind of person I was and would have had nothing to remind me. And I know you're going to feel sick after reading this, but I do quite like the fellow. He seems more imaginitive and perhaps more assertive. I think that now, after going to university and having tasted real knowledge, I've been humbled into keeping a still tongue inside my head. Then again, my last post was about getting into Marxism so...

It's One for All and All for One!

2009-10-21T23:24:07Z

A young, idealistic, idiotic arts student. I guess the final realisation of Marxism was simply inevitible. All that had to happen was for me to understand it in a non contentious way, removed entirely from the one - sided, over - generalised and pitifully misinformed view of the common public. So far, I have read quite a few introductions, explanations, apologies and criticisms of Marx and ideology and I must admit that I'm quite impressed.

Whilst I would never actually consider myself a Marxist until I read the actual 'Communist Manifesto', 'Captial' and 'A Critique of the German Ideology' (all written by Marx and Engels), there's certainly no denying that I'm quite excited at the prospect.

Liberate Your Mind

2009-10-11T01:26:05Z

A philosophic system is an integrated view of existence. As a human being, you have no choice about the fact that you need a philosophy. Your only choice is whether you define your philosophy by a conscious, rational, disciplined process of thought and scrupulously logical deliberation -- or let your subconscious accumulate a junk heap of unwarranted conclusions, false generalizations, undefined contradictions, undigested slogans, unidentified wishes, doubts and fears, thrown together by chance, but integrated by your subconscious into a kind of mongrel philosophy and fused into a single, solid weight: self-doubt, like a ball and chain in the place where your mind's wings should have grown. Ayn Rand, Philosophy: Who Needs It

A truly wonderful source
http://www.importanceofphilosophy.com/

we live in a material world and i am a material girl - wait...

2009-08-27T08:03:04Z

Give me Hydrogen, Helium and enough time and I can make stars, oceans, mountains and even life. Life can then evolve and take more audacious forms.

> Everything in the "universe is made of physical matter - different combinations of the same chemical elements"*.

But could souls be created? Many humans believe in the existence of souls, and it would seem quite paradoxical for any immaterial substance to be conjured from these same components - hydrogen, helium and time (though time is not actually "material", rather just a concept)

>"A physical whole can be analyzed into smaller physical parts, but a mental process can't be. Physical parts just can't add up to a mental whole"**.

Is it sensible to deny the existence of souls entirely? If not, then how could souls have been created? What inspires their existence?

The existence of souls usually involves a God. If a God exists then I have more components to work with and suddenly the creation of souls seems almost unavoidable entirely (and I'm not trying to disprove the existence of God here). Just an idle thought on the bus today. I thought it was just a fairly neat way of outlining the dualism vs physicalism thing.

Writings 3: A God Complex

2009-05-30T01:14:43Z

First and foremost, in my adressment of God, I do not presume to understand with confidence or explain with hard evidence, the nature or question of His existence. Following, here after will be a projection of God, mainly the Judeo Christian version of Him, based on assumptions and a pretentious moral evaluation of the world, supplied by a critically premature mind.

The question of the logical existence of God I have found in my experience is seated within a moral evaluation of the universe. Any man, religious or not knows that the universe is riddled with immorality. Any person who should deny this should in my humble opinion be directed to consider the 3^rd world as a starting point of an endless list of immoral structures, institutions, philosophies and life ways. But with this immoral grounding that exists today certainly had an origin whose machinations, I will not deny, not now or ever, are of human design. But what of the design of man? Religions pose the existence of a creator. A “God” who made the world and made men. If men are the source of immorality and God the source of men, then it paradoxically serves that God is origin of immorality.

I see only two possible solutions that solve this problem; that in my reasoning, I have incorrectly assumed that God is “good”. He isn’t necessarily (but of course you are entitled to believe in whatever you will). There may well be a creator, but He isn’t necessarily a just and loving God. If however He was indeed “good”, then perhaps the only solution to this paradox is that simply He is God and He works in ways in which humans cannot comprehend. Somehow the conflict of these two truths, do not upset the ideal of the almighty, who in his infinite power has designed. Perhaps this is precisely what is meant by the term “faith” in the Judeo Christian religion. Recognising the suffering of others… knowing your own suffering and understanding that suffering exists because of your unrelenting capacity for sin by then placing your faith; acceptance without knowing and belief without understanding, in the almighty God.

Admirable… that Christians advocate to the evil and sinful nature of men; truly, I always thought so.

But disgusting that they should then simply accept this quality and only let responsibility pass onto Him.

Re- socialist

2009-05-30T00:20:41Z

Sometimes I tend to forget who I am in a sort of way. It's a strange thing really. I suppose it's more of who I was. I could never stop being me in the present moment I suppose. What I am in that moment is precisely what I am. I am, who I am. But what of who I was? I have trouble remembering the poor fellow. I honestly don't recall all that much from his life; his struggles, triumphs, endeavours, feelings and needs. It seems to be etching further and further away from me; which could only be due to the natural progression of time, but I also feel as if, when I recall, I am dealing with another person entirely. An alien mind.

It's in no small part due to my shocking memory though. It makes me sad that I cannot recall most of my life. There's a certain discomfort and insecurity that feeling brings. It's unnerving really. I am confronted with acknowledging a person, who shaped what I am today, without being able to remember what was important to him or what he wanted or what he knew or what he feared. Only small recollections still remain. I identify even fewer common traits between us in my conscious mind, and at the same time suspect that unconsciously we are still very much alike. But I can't write about my unciounscious mind. I can only recognise and express what I can recognise and express.

I met up with two friends yesterday. We went out the city. I had a great time. Seeing them though, reminded me alot about myself though. I know how that sounds - and what can I say, I'm a dick. But all of a sudden, it came rushing back to me. Feelings and thoughts just pooled through, flooding my mind. I fear this has already upset the "stability" I've found in my desolate loneliness. I suspect that events such as these have the potential to disrupt my understanding of myself - of who I am.

Oh well.

I did want to go out and socialise more anyway. Loneliness, though beginning to work out for me was beginning to undermine my awareness of my feelings.

And I was pleased to see them.

Writings 2: Apathy is Death

2009-04-11T11:17:05Z

So far, we have witnessed the success of capital growth most clearly through the exponential increase in the number of humans on Earth in the past 100 years. Keeping in mind that although most of the world's population growth has occurred in third - world countries such as China, India and various African countries, and that because these people are amongst the poorest people in the world with minimal consumption compared to first world habits, it is safe to assume that the rate and scale at which the earth's total resources are being consumed finds its foundations in the capitalist ideology.

Understanding this and observing that the total resources available to us on the earth are either finite, strained, already depleted or have an optimum (maximum) capacity of production; there indeed comes one ultimate foresight. Led by capitalism, we will eventually deplete everything. I don't know how you might react to that. It wouldn't surprise me if you didn't even flinch though. I'll put it in economic terms for you as well based on its own fundamental concept of "supply and demand". Demand - insatiable, unlimited, relative eternity of demand. Supply - resources are finite.

Finite =/= Infinite

Take one particular and very important example of a resource for which there is an infinite amount of demand for and to which there is a finite supply of. Crude oil. You've heard that "love makes the world go around"? Actually its more like oil makes the world go around. Take a moment to consider the pretty building in the city, the structure of a car, a computer chip or even the nuts and bolts of the factories that constructed those things. Humans don't craft such things with their own hands. It take machinery to create other, more complex forms of machinery. Ultimately, at the core of this phenomenon is, as always, the energy needed to drive them. To make it as basic as I can, I will say the following. Without oil powering machines, you don't have your sky scrapers or your automobiles or your microwave ovens.

Unfortunately and contrary to popular opinion doesn't simply and magically appear out of the ground in infinite abundance. Indeed, in the 200 or so years that oil has been extracted for industrial and private use, every major oil deposit in the world has been identified and depleted save one; the Middle Eastern plate which controls alone 70% of total world reserves. In perspective 30% for the rest of the world isn't very convincing. In the 1950's, America alone was the largest exporter of petroleum in the world (ever heard of the Texas oil fields?). Today it buys most of its oil from Saudi Arabia and has just acquired a new petroleum trading ally; a matter of speculation in popular perception.

The underlying problem is that without oil, our modern and industrial life styles grind completely to a halt. Only the pure carbon that is found in oil can provide us with the energy to fuel our society. Without oil, society and production become immobilised. With regards to oil reserves versus oil consumption, it becomes clear that eventually we will as I have outlined, run out eventually. What then happens to society?

This is precisely why the switch to alternative energy sources is necessary and inevitable. Independent of “Climate Change”, new energy sources must be identified. These days, scientists talk about a very special kind of energy – renewable energy. Renewable energy resources idealistically meet infinite demand. Realistically, renewable sources are not overly productive just yet. Instead of developing those technologies, it seems more appropriate to make ourselves dependant on some of the most dangerous and unstable parts of the world.

The point being in all of this is that many vital resources don’t just keep coming from the ground forever. Other vital examples include the essentials water and food. Only so much water available. Only so much land for agriculture (example; England). And in all the meantime this capitalist “success” lands us with a couple million more people, a new suburb and another big building towering in the city.

It is also important to note that the rate and scale at which resources are consumed;

- destroys the biosphere

- destroys the hydrosphere

- destroys the atmosphere

- exploits and destroys forests and native lands

- drives animals to extinction everywhere at unprecedented rates

- thrives on the misery of billions with unashamed self interest

I’m not questioning the functionality of this system. It’s clearly and obviously the single most effective vehicle of annihilation, tool of ultimate destruction and malicious driver of obliteration; all of which it achieves through its overwhelming success and its ability to feed human greed. I question the morality of this system. I question its morality in the exact same sense that I question the morality of the human soul, because capitalism is, at its very core based solely on the principle of self interest. This is precisely the reason for its success. Unequalled, unparalleled and exponential success.

I think that third world citizens look towards such things as the “American Dream” with desire. I think that terrorism finds its roots in this principle. The “Have’s and the Have Not’s” as my dad always told me. Who are you to deny them? Or are you more worthy than they are?

Personally, I know you don’t consider them any less worthy in your head. I also know you don’t want to help them either or are only willing to make loud noises like I do. So really, we're all just a step away from Nazism. I know you don’t like to hear that, especially from me, but it’s true. Your apathy doesn’t shield you from this truth. You do feed on their misery each and every day, passively or not. But I say to you that collective apathy only protects you for as long as someone with these ideas brings them to you. I doubt you will ever listen, but before the end you will hear.

Apathy is Death.

To those of you who understand, I extend my hand.

We have become a victim to our own success

A Crude Awakening

Resources increase linearly. Humans increase exponentially

Nathan Thomas

Capitalism is about negating individualism in favour of mass markets and morality in favour of growth.

Incubus Man

We're Finished Me and Me

2009-04-10T07:11:29Z

I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I couldn't read it. I simply could not read what I myself had written in this blog. My head commanded as hard as it could, but my eyes just slid off the screen and my heart slumped. For the sake of living up to my own word and actually standing witness to my own development, I tried forcing myself to read some of the things that I had running in my head as little far back as a year ago. But I couldn't do it. I was just... too ashamed. I don't know how or why... and I'm thankful that I've grown now.

Today was embarrasing for me. I only caught a few sentences here and there, but it was enough for me to feel sick regret and ironically put me back in one of my old moods, which I was so proud to have not had for a very long time. I even broke my death metal embargo (maybe it does affect my mood after all) and chucked on a few Arch Enemy songs.

The problem was that I was too eager to be noticed. I was too eager to be different. I refused to play everyone else's game (which I'm still aligned to), but my solution was terrifyingly unintelligent.

It doens't matter now anyway (it does). I've purged it all. All the bad stuff is gone. I'm going to finish writing my High School ideas "Writings" as soon as possible. Then I can start reading and thinking again (not that I haven't done so already - cheating really).

I look forward to this time next year and being able to write this again.

Oh and;

1/ The Beatles
2/ Incubus
3/ The Mars Volta
4/ Genesis
5/ Dream Theater
6/ Opeth
7/ Porcupine Tree
8/ A Perfect Circle
9/ Muse
10/ Rage Against the Machine

Writings 1: Begins Here

2009-03-23T10:56:24Z

Not that I am at all afraid of dying anytime soon, but I'm beginning to feel that I should pour more of myself into this journal. Actually, I've felt this way for some time. I want it to stand as a testament to my achievements and failures. Just as the mind is the witness to the achievements of the body, so too must there be a witness to the achievements of the mind, if not a mere documentation of my successive failures; the remedy of learning I suppose.

But where to start? Certainly, I could not sit here and simply write it all down. I would fantastically impressed with myself to even recall and collaborate a mere portion of the entity. Besides, I have a test tomorrow which I should have started to study for. Instead, I will try to recall the most important parts, which should be considered not only in view of ideological temperament, but also of a reflection of my personality and nature. And on that particular note, I think I've found the perfect time to start talking and stop rambling.

People are a product of their experience and environment.
As always, I refrain from saying that this statement is not entirely true. There is, in all apparency a small portion of mental characteristics which are to be found within genetic coding (a point which of course, religious groups insist on hearing). It's amusing and at the same time fitting that this is the case with philosophical reflections. Anyway, more to the point - I've found that for the most part there is often personality and understanding of others to be found by looking towards and trying to understand the world in which they live and how they might see that. As humans grow, they are immediately influenced and encouraged to think and perceive objects and other people in a manner that is normal or relative to their surroundings. This may be an incredibly basic idea, but it is important that it is stated before hand. The experiences and environment of individuals mould them to a degree that fits both mental capacity and capability. For instance, it would be highly unlikely that a child born in China and having no contact with English speaking people, should begin speaking English instead of Chinese. It is unlikely that a child who, under the doctrination of political ideals such as Nazism should have sympathies for racially inferior people (much to the dismay of shocked parents) or religious confinement would challenge the existence of God using tools such as reason untempered by beliefs. Of course, there are always a few exceptions to the rule, however few... but always just that. A few.

Reflecting on the prejudices of society throughout human history and indeed many problems that exist today (that is not to say that prejudice has vanished at all) they are, most of them generated from a lack of understanding. You can see it happen socially in small groups right up to international communications and relations. The problem is that often people see only their version of the universe and cannot easily empathise with or envision other interpretations. That being said however, it is suitable for the author to keep in mind and remind the reader that these people with the "problem" are they themselves, a simple product of their own experience and environment, thus making "fault" a difficult concept adress. This being the case, it implies that perhaps fault is a concept with an unlikely association.

More importantly still, the individuals concept of free choice so becomes threatened if we are to assume that interpretation itself becomes twisted to suit the mind and following, the emotional and intellectual responses we offer to situations. Simply, absolute choice is removed from our minds if and when interpretation becomes biased by external influences.

In a larger scale (but very much still including the individual), interpretation and response - choice become directed by social pressures; that is, what surrounds us and the traditional practises of men in times before us (environment and experience). But the practises of men cannot simply be deducted as entirely a product of the past. If this were to be the case entirely, then there could have been no beginning of the external reality to which men self consciously reflect upon nor would there be any development in his practises. The solution to this counter consideration of my main point remains unclear to me (and I do not support the concept of creationism; the creation of modern man - his biological and chemical structure, knowledge and behaviour by God), though I am increasingly sure that its relations are found within the material needs of men.

According to Marx, it is man's material desires which exist to subsidise his dependance on nature which he acquires through labour (or the division of labour in social situations) that ultimately drive external reflection and self conscious thought, thus directing the practises of men. But since labour and therefore materialism became from a very early stage in man's history, a socially based system (which we now observe clearly in the capitalist world, it sensibly follows that society itself became the director (early capitalist) and in some cases the dictator (feudalism) of men's actions. And this is precisely my meaning when I move to say that society becomes a context of the universe to people and that contextual frames always retain the power to shape and decieve just as they cast lights and reveal values and meanings.

Whether this robbing of sight is an injustice to humanity, I have not the audacity nor education to suppose. But in the relation to the individual thinker, or in consideration of myself, I feel that the overcoming of this influence (an impossible task), through self conscious consideration of social parameters on the mind, it is vital to the acquisition and maintenance of true impartiality and absolute choice.

And this part here, is me speaking, perhaps well out of modesty or affection for myself, but from this line of reasoning, I doubt that we have much choice in the universe. More likely, choice has very little to do with you or me, despite whatever nature of self determination you may have. Pathetic no?

"Convictions. They are the only things we truly own, and even then, sometimes they come to own us".
Nathan Thomas

A New Arch Enemy?

2009-02-02T12:43:32Z

http://www.mq.edu.au/ is the single most difficult website I have ever had the misfortune of being associated with. I need to get this stuff done so I can go to university and this website is single handedly dismantling my hopes of becoming a uni graduate. I swear, I should be allowed into the university and able to choose whichever course I want, just for figuring out that piece of shit and turning up on my "inauguration day" with the proof on paper.

This enemy is insidious and adaptable. It knows no mercy. It knows no fear. It must be stopped.

I go this day, to war.

Tear Down These Walls For Me Now

2009-02-01T23:55:57Z

I had another strange dream the other night. One of those ones I realised was a dream, but couldn't escape from. Like the first I had, it felt very real. Strangely real. In this one I had woken up in my room. I looked around the room and tried to roll over back to sleep, but my body didn't follow my instructions. My arms particularly moved incredibly slowly. I had become immobilised. At this point, I hadn't realised that I was dreaming, but I did panic. I got out of bed and tried to call for my mother. The word "ma" came out of my mouth shockingly slow; like a double slow mo replay.

My vision began to blur. I began moving towards the wall closest to my parents bedroom to bang on the side of it and attract their attention. I think I first realised that I was dreaming at this point, when I saw that the Rage Against the Machine poster in my room was on the wrong side of the room. My limbs in the meantime were becoming slower by the second. It took me a good ten seconds to reach the wall, which I found almost impossible to hit. That was when I started to panic. Then all of a sudden I woke up. It wasn't a violent awakening. My eyes just opened. It occured to me that it was rather as if something had had a grip on my mind and then abruptly decided to let go.

Strange? Meh.

Hope

2009-01-28T05:38:54Z

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7853579.stm

Obama urges quick economic action.

President Obama has said his administration will be held accountable for the success or failure of his stimulus plan.

He has described the US as being "in the midst of an unprecedented crisis" and has announced:

More than 3,000 miles of new electricity transmission lines would be laid down to improve the US power network
75% of public sector buildings would be made more energy-efficient, saving taxpayers $2bn a year
More than 2.5m homes would be "weatherized" (made more energy efficient)
Funds would be made available to improve or renovate 10,000 schools

Other proposals include tax credits for firms that create jobs, tax cuts for 95% of American workers and extended unemployment benefits.

The president has pledged the plan "will save or create three to four million jobs over the next few years".

I understand what he's doing, given his position and the circumstances, but really, in view it's all too little too late.

Are you scared? You will be.

2009-01-28T02:23:45Z

With his 90th birthday in July, a trip into space scheduled for later in the year and a new book out next month, 2009 promises to be an exciting time for James Lovelock. But the originator of the Gaia theory, which describes Earth as a self-regulating planet, has a stark view of the future of humanity. He tells Gaia Vince we have one last chance to save ourselves - and it has nothing to do with nuclear power

Your work on atmospheric chlorofluorocarbons led eventually to a global CFC ban that saved us from ozone-layer depletion. Do we have time to do a similar thing with carbon emissions to save ourselves from climate change?

Not a hope in hell. Most of the "green" stuff is verging on a gigantic scam. Carbon trading, with its huge government subsidies, is just what finance and industry wanted. It's not going to do a damn thing about climate change, but it'll make a lot of money for a lot of people and postpone the moment of reckoning. I am not against renewable energy, but to spoil all the decent countryside in the UK with wind farms is driving me mad. It's absolutely unnecessary, and it takes 2500 square kilometres to produce a gigawatt - that's an awful lot of countryside.

What about work to sequester carbon dioxide?

That is a waste of time. It's a crazy idea - and dangerous. It would take so long and use so much energy that it will not be done.

Do you still advocate nuclear power as a solution to climate change?

It is a way for the UK to solve its energy problems, but it is not a global cure for climate change. It is too late for emissions reduction measures.

So are we doomed?

There is one way we could save ourselves and that is through the massive burial of charcoal. It would mean farmers turning all their agricultural waste - which contains carbon that the plants have spent the summer sequestering - into non-biodegradable charcoal, and burying it in the soil. Then you can start shifting really hefty quantities of carbon out of the system and pull the CO₂ down quite fast.

Would it make enough of a difference?

Yes. The biosphere pumps out 550 gigatonnes of carbon yearly; we put in only 30 gigatonnes. Ninety-nine per cent of the carbon that is fixed by plants is released back into the atmosphere within a year or so by consumers like bacteria, nematodes and worms. What we can do is cheat those consumers by getting farmers to burn their crop waste at very low oxygen levels to turn it into charcoal, which the farmer then ploughs into the field. A little CO₂ is released but the bulk of it gets converted to carbon. You get a few per cent of biofuel as a by-product of the combustion process, which the farmer can sell. This scheme would need no subsidy: the farmer would make a profit. This is the one thing we can do that will make a difference, but I bet they won't do it.

Do you think we will survive?

I'm an optimistic pessimist. I think it's wrong to assume we'll survive 2 °C of warming: there are already too many people on Earth. At 4 °C we could not survive with even one-tenth of our current population. The reason is we would not find enough food, unless we synthesised it. Because of this, the cull during this century is going to be huge, up to 90 per cent. The number of people remaining at the end of the century will probably be a billion or less. It has happened before: between the ice ages there were bottlenecks when there were only 2000 people left. It's happening again.

I don't think humans react fast enough or are clever enough to handle what's coming up. Kyoto was 11 years ago. Virtually nothing's been done except endless talk and meetings.

I don't think we can react fast enough or are clever enough to handle what's coming up

It's a depressing outlook.

Not necessarily. I don't think 9 billion is better than 1 billion. I see humans as rather like the first photosynthesisers, which when they first appeared on the planet caused enormous damage by releasing oxygen - a nasty, poisonous gas. It took a long time, but it turned out in the end to be of enormous benefit. I look on humans in much the same light. For the first time in its 3.5 billion years of existence, the planet has an intelligent, communicating species that can consider the whole system and even do things about it. They are not yet bright enough, they have still to evolve quite a way, but they could become a very positive contributor to planetary welfare.

How much biodiversity will be left after this climatic apocalypse?

We have the example of the Palaeocene-Eocene Thermal Maximum event 55 million years ago. About the same amount of CO₂ was put into the atmosphere as we are putting in and temperatures rocketed by about 5 °C over about 20,000 years. The world became largely desert. The polar regions were tropical and most life on the planet had the time to move north and survive. When the planet cooled they moved back again. So there doesn't have to be a massive extinction. It's already moving: if you live in the countryside as I do you can see the changes, even in the UK.

If you were younger, would you be fearful?

No, I have been through this kind of emotional thing before. It reminds me of when I was 19 and the second world war broke out. We were very frightened but almost everyone was so much happier. We're much better equipped to deal with that kind of thing than long periods of peace. It's not all bad when things get rough. I'll be 90 in July, I'm a lot closer to death than you, but I'm not worried. I'm looking forward to being 100.

Are you looking forward to your trip into space this year?

Very much. I've got my camera ready!

Do you have to do any special training?

I have to go in the centrifuge to see if I can stand the g-forces. I don't anticipate a problem because I spent a lot of my scientific life on ships out on rough oceans and I have never been even slightly seasick so I don't think I'm likely to be space sick. They gave me an expensive thorium-201 heart test and then put me on a bicycle. My heart was performing like an average 20 year old, they said.

I bet your wife is nervous.

No, she's cheering me on. And it's not because I'm heavily insured, because I'm not.

Optimum Understanding

2009-01-24T13:00:00Z

Idea: As the size, complexity, diversity and widespread of mass society increases, man's communal belonging is undermined by his optimum capacity for collective awareness.

That is: Men have a maximum mental and emotional capacity, with which are applied to their perception of their environment. They cannot fully appreciate mass society and so develop apathetic perceptions of large scale mechanisms and challenges that exist within mass society which do not appear to directly affect the individual. Perhaps they even develop a sense of opposition towards their society as well.

Lethargy is Worse.

2009-01-23T10:53:04Z

Classes commence February 23.

I almost can't accept that it is another 31 days until I go to University. I'm doing a Bachelor of Arts at Macquarie University; the course I wanted and expected - that is, because I still don't know what I really want to do or where I will end up. For now, I'm content to simply be educated. I'm going to major in philosophy. I'll pick whichever of politics, sociology, psychology, hisotry and international studies that I can get as well.

I also want to have a double degree. I was dissapointed to hear that full time at Uni is only 3 days a week or so. To hell with that! I want to go 5-6 days a week. I want more knowledge. It will be hard to work towards a second degree - most likely International Studies, but I am sure that I can do it. In an environment such as a University, I must be absolutely committed - as I always said I could be.

For now though, it's torture. Endless days marked only by a growing disconnection to life. I'm starting to actually think that I'm losing myself to some mindless lethargy, whose oppression, like the harsh and blazing sun simply cannot be overcomed. (I can't spell or write anymore... I need to go back to school. I need to go to University). It's almost mindless in the first place to even challenge something as large as the sun.

How does one prevail against his own boredom?

Apathy is Death

2009-01-22T00:45:28Z

I don't have many friends anymore.It seems to me that as each day passes and I become more and more enveloped in my ideals, this "reality" has slipped by me. Things are changing around me and I hardly notice any of it. I care even less.

At the present moment, I feel the conflict between this reality and the ideals I have in the past formulated and continue to formulate everyday. It's a conflict for my attention and the little time I have. It is a conflict, whose product is increasingly evident in my impatience and strong disregard for the constant illusion of social apathy. And this... is not an ideal, whose meaning or effect can be ignored or parried with disregarding complaints. It is a reality. It is our reality. It's like a contagious disease that sinks deep within the brain. So deep you never really know it's there. Alot of people are minimally aware of it. It is not a crime that they are not fully aware of it; no one ever could be. It doesnt guide so much as it dictates our responses and perceptions of the universe, everyone in it, everything in it and ourselves.

Its presence within society can only be regarded as a fierce and persistent ideology against which we have no chance of defence or escape. Its effect on society, the greater evil is no less than an inescapable and horrifying reality. If judgements and convictions are the only things we truly own, then this apathy has already killed us.

Apathy is death. Apathy is death. Apathy is death.

Earth and Environment Science

2008-11-10T05:42:15Z

I've given it an honest effort, I really have. It's been the most difficult, trying exam preparation I've ever endured in my whole life. The syllabus and subject as a whole is respectable. I don't regret picking the subject, because I've learnt alot of interesting and useful things, but these test papers are just so dispropotional. I figure that a topic that has little history and few students would typically have unco exams, but it doesn't serve at all to dampen my frustrations. I am pulling my hair out of my brain at some questions. Many of them have traps and unforseen holes to fall into, much like General Math. Depending on the year of the paper, the questions can also be very annoying and downright fucked up; "Assess architectural design in saving energy" - 6 marks. I'm an inch away from stabbing myself and I'm in no way joking about it either. I've been stuck in this room for two whole weeks, every single day for at least 6 horus a day, staring at the screen, writing notes and fuming over the hsc past papers. What torments me so much about it, is that I know I won't enjoy the post hsc period at all, if I did poorly in the test and it lays heavy on my conscious. I have to do well in this test, because I have no hope with biology whatsoever. I know the theory quite well, but I'm still not confident in doing well on Wednesday unless it's a given easy test.

There have been very few times in my life when I've been this impatient, annoyed and angry. Agreed, I am an easy person to aggravate, but this has truly excelled in testing me. I am scared.

Mine Fuhrer

2008-10-31T03:09:27Z

I suppose development of ideas and perceptions makes overall personality change inevitable. It can only be dangerous to a part of me that's being outdated... replaced. I always dreamed of grandeur. I always imagined myself as a great holder of information and philosophies. It's power. Unlimited personal power.

Mikael Akerfeldt

2008-10-08T12:29:11Z

He's my new Mustaine.

Startingly, the two men have ALOT in common. Both are the only original band members of their respective bands Megadeth and Opeth. Whilst Mustaine has hired and fired (or the guys just left for whatever reason) over 25 different band members it's currently 14 for Akerfeldt.

Both guys write all the music and lyrics for their band.
Both are guitarist/vocalists.
Both are musical pioneers (Mustaine - thrash metal, Akerfeldt - well, it's hard to say at this point in time, but trust me it's completely and utterly unique... he has death metal/blues/folk/acoustic/progressive metal all mixed)

Akerfeldt never had any super drama like being fired from Metallica, though the beginning of Opeth was very very rough. He wasn't in the band at first and when he was invited to attend a practise session, the vocalist hadn't told the other guys about it, so they all quit. The vocalist himself left pretty soon after, so Mikael inherited both the band and the role of vocalist. After that he pretty much hired and fired his way through 9 studio albums.

But God do I love his music. It's so beautiful. Imagine if you incorporated the genius of classical music into heavy metal. It's melodic hatred. There's a mood that starts in my stomach and presses against my chest. It's tragedy. The sweet melodies are dripping with intensity and his harmonies are nothing short of incredible.

Akerfeldt switches between death growls to clean vocals regularly in his songs, often divided by the structure of the song, for example the heavy choruses feature his awesome, intimidating, yet somehow visciously empowering growls, before the change into a verse or bridge where piano/acoustic passages whirl into you, so delicately, elaborately flowing from the previous chorus. Then his voice comes. It's absolutely marvellous. Good God, I wish I had the words.

Unfortunately there's not much I can learn about him. Unlike the extremely controversial (and American) Dave Mustaine, there is hardly any information on this guy anywhere! No abundance of pictures either.

I will move swiftly to obtain his albums.

Imperial Victory

2008-08-24T09:50:01Z

*Enter Admiral Piet*

Darth Vader: Yes Admiral, what is it?
Admiral Piet: Lord Vader, the music composition has been completed on schedule
Darth Vader: Good, I am most pleased with your efforts
Admiral Piet: Thankyou m'lord

*Admiral Piet exits*

*Darth Vader gets up and dances around in a circle singing*